Chioma's Blog

After two years of applying and not getting in, I am going back to school. Possibly for the last time. Fall 2025 will go down in the annals of history as the last “first term” as I begin my Ph.D. in Science Communication, with a minor in Population Health. Phew!

I cried when the acceptance email came in. I had been trying to get in. In 2024, I did get in, to one school, but it came without funding so I wasn’t going. It was also thousands of miles from home. Nothing I had seen or heard assured me that my two-year marriage would survive the distance. I didn’t want to take that risk. It’s not like I would end up divorced or anything like that, but the distance was certainly not going to do us any favors, so it was a no for me. The schools in my city were not looking good, One of them had already rejected me twice, for a masters, and for a Ph.D.

Then my husband got a job in a new city and we had to move. There was a good R1 university there. This was it. I applied to the one school and I got in. So when I say, I cried, you can imagine.

At first, I was really excited. I am still excited but now, the fear and subtle doubt has started to creep in. Am I ready for this? Am I good enough for this? Why did I think I could do a Ph.D.? These questions and more dance around my mind each time I try to complete some school-related task as I get ready to resume my studies. My advisor has already given me a book to read for preps, which is good, but why do I feel like I’m reading some ancient Greek tome?

I look forward to being a student again. Even though I hated uni, I loved being in Law School, and I loved my masters program. I figured out what made uni suck quite early and with two chances to remedy my uni mistakes (in law school and my first grad program), I am now convinced that I have hacked the “enjoying school” game. Even though I am now an old woman and would probably have some 20-something year old in my cohort that would make me feel all of my age.

Then there is all the usual fear mongering that goes with doctoral degrees. Bad advisors. Horrible committees. Prolonged programs. Stress. Struggling with relationships, health, and balance. I reject these negatives. Nothing but sunshine for me. God didn’t bring me this far to drag me through the doctoral gutter. I will admit that the journey will not be easy (it’s a Ph.D., not a cake tasting) but I am not alone, and I refuse any attempt to make me feel like I am.

I am grateful to God for this opportunity. When I think of where I am now, I am truly amazed. Even though I foresaw it in my mind’s eye as a child, I am still amazed. How blessed I am! How loved by God? I don’t think it mere chance that I was rejected by one school, only to have to move to another city, with a better school, better benefits package, full funding, more prestige, and get in to that program. Nah, that’s not chance. That is definitely God and I am grateful beyond words?

So yeah, back to school. Am I even ready? We’ll find out in a few.

Chioma.